Hurrah for Valium
by Jiia-chan
Summary: In response to hotchick1's challenge. Hatori has been down ever since the Kana incident. Shigure and Ayame want to cheer him up. Enough said. Involves sex, drugs, and may or may not involve rockandroll. SHA. THE LEMON... IS HERE.
1. The Mabudatchi Plot

Hurrah for Valium

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and GAY! And I pity, any girl who isn't me, today!"

Kyo stared, in utter and complete shock. Yuki did the same. Actually, Yuki stared with a combination of shock, disgust and rage. He knew who had to be behind this.

The guilty parties sat on the nearby couch, watching the show with amazement. Shigure had the decency to look at least a little concerned. Ayame just grinned.

The dancing man suddenly lurched forward with a startled meeping noise. He seemed to have attempted to dance right through the coffee table. He fell flat on his face, his arms still by his side. At first the two standing in the doorway had thought the fall had knocked him out of whatever strange hallucinatory trance he had been caught in. He stared at them with an abnormally wide eye, blinking several times as if trying to figure out how the two of them had gotten there.

All at once, he burst into a fit of hysterical laughter, completely dashing all their fleeting hopes of sanity.

Still giggling, he sat up. Holding onto his ankles, he rocked from side to side, pouting outrageously.

"Kyyyoooonnnnn… Yuuuukkiiiiii…… Shii-chan and Aya-chan drugged me!"

Both orange and purple eyes where suddenly locked on the two conspirators sitting side by side on the couch. Ayame quickly stifled his giggles, recognizing that some manner of explanation was expected.

"We were just trying to cheer him up." Ayame crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to be the least bit apologetic. "We didn't think he'd…" The snake guestured to the figure on the floor, who had rocked a little too far to the left and fallen over again, giggling madly.

His brother shot him one of his infamous death-glares.

"You had better hope this isn't permanent.

"I don't know." Shigure commented, smirking. "I find it rather entertaining.

Before Yuki could formulate an intelligent response to that, the black-and-white cannonball that Hatori had become shot up and tackled him.

"HURRAH FOR VALIUM!"

THE DAY BEFORE…

"Come on, Hatori…" Aya purred, running his slender fingers down the other man's back. "You haven't done it since Kana."

Hatori grunted and shrugged the other away, concentrating on the mess of paper laid out before him.

"Just because I haven't done it with you doesn't mean I haven't done it."

Aya chuckled, drapping himself over Hatori's back.

"It's hardly sex if I'm not involved." He blew softly on the back of his neck, thoroughly enjoying the shudder passing through the man beneath him.

"Please, Ayame. I'm trying to work." Hatori literally swatted the other man away, never looking up from his precious documents.

"Fine." Ayame huffed. "I'll just go find Gure-san."

"You do that." Tori muttered.

Ayame glared at him and stalked out.

He didn't have to look far for the dog. Shigure was still scrambling out of the way of the door when Ayame came through it. Standing up and brushing himself off, the third Mabudatchi glanced at the door, looking concerned.

"Wow. Tori-kun was even more… well, he was worse than usual."

"He hit me." Aya sniffed, rubbing his cheek. "I hope this doesn't bruise."

Shigure frowned, looking back at the door.

"Something must be done, Aya. Something must be done."

Shigure rifled through the various bottles, tossing them aside when they proved to be little more than cough medicine or Quinine. The medicine cabinet, which had once been in perfect alphabetical order, was now in total disarray. It was impossible to find anything at all, especially since Shigure didn't actually know what he was looking for.

Ayame shifted from one foot to the other, scratching at the thick layer of black paint covering his face.

"Gure-san…" He hissed. "Why do we have to wear this paint, anyway? It's itchy, and it's totally ruining my complexion."

Shigure sighed. He'd explained this twice already.

"Aya, we don't want to get seen. If we get caught in the Sohma clinic, how are we going to explain ourselves to Akito?"

"I know." Aya frowned, making the paint crack further. "That's why I made us these fashionable Ninja costumes."

Shigure paused, tossing aside a bottle of something-or-another.

"Aya, you know how white things glow in the dark?"

Long pause.

"Yea…"

"Well, Aya, you are white. It would look really odd to see a random floating head, now wouldn't it?"

"I guess it would." Aya sighed, picking up a pen and fiddling with it. "How much longer, Gure-san?"

"I have no idea." Shigure pushed aside several rows of some sort of plague vaccine. "Ooh. Heh heh heh…" Shigure held up a bottle full of little blue pills. "These might be useful, eh Aya?"

Ayame giggled.

"That would certainly cheer Tori up."

"It would also be slightly hazardous to our health. I think I'm going to save them for a later date." He slipped them into his pocket, moving on to the next row of pills.

He picked up another bottle. It was innocent enough. Translucent orange, just like the rest of the bottles. The pills inside where white, and greatly resembled advil.

"Hmm… Valium, eh? Never heard of it."

Reading the label, Shigure grinned. He'd have to give some of this stuff to Maru-chan.

"Hey, Aya? I think we can- Aya, put that down! No sharp objects for you!" Shigure ordered, putting a hand on his hip.

"Aw… Byebye, Mr. Scalpel."

The door closed quietly behind them.

THAT MORNING…

"What do you want, Shigure?" Hatori groaned, absentmindedly running his hand through his long black hair.

"To cheer you up, of course." Shigure grinned, passing him his tea. He made absolutely sure that Hatori got the right one.

Exactly on cue, Ayame's voice drifted in from the kitchen.

"Gure-san, how do you work your microwave?"

Shigure didn't have to work hard at feigning panic. He jumped to his feet and made his way to the door.

"Aya, we don't have a microwave."

"Then what's this box thing?" Aya asked, trying desperately not to laugh.

"That's a toaster." He sighed, shot an exasperated glance at Tori, and disappeared through the door.

The two men instantly pressed themselves against the wall, listening hard for any sign that their little trick was working.

"Hey… Shigure, maybe we should have used one or two pills. That would probably have been good, right?"

"We couldn't have known for sure. Besides, the dosage on the bottle is for normal people, not Jyuunshi. We had to up the dose to compensate for the Zodiac curse." Shigure whispered back, grinning at the sound of china clinking.

"Still… Half the bottle seems like a bit much."

"Hatori is a very sad man, Aya. He needs a lot of love."

In the other room, Tori began to cough.

"I told you half the bottle was too much!" Aya squeaked, falling over from the sudden weight of the giggling Hatori.

"Not so!" Shigure grinned, helping Aya pull Hatori back into a sitting position. "We wanted to cheer Hatori up, and now he's downright jolly!"

Hatori thrust his fists straight up, clipping Aya in the shoulder.

"JOLLY GOOD!"

Tori degenerated back into mindless giggling and fell forward, his head hitting the table with a thunk.

"TOO MUCH!" Aya pouted, rubbing his shoulder. "Too much, Shigure!"

"What did you guys give me?" Hatori asked, sitting up and wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.

"Valium." Shigure answered, grinning widely.

"Valium. Valimum. Valimnium. Very good! How much, how much, how much? How much Valimim. Lavimum. Gah." Hatori started laughing again. It was actually rather disconcerting.

"Half the bottle." Shigure put his arm around the dragon's shoulder to stop him from falling forward again.

"HALF THE BOTTLE!" Hatori bellowed, jumping to his feet. "CALL THE DOCTOR! Oh wait… I AM the doctor!" He bent in half, laughing till his face went red. He suddenly straightened, pumping both fists in the air.

"HORRAH FOR VALIUM."

The doctor promptly launched into a terribly off-key rendition of every show-tune he had ever heard in his life.

Shortly afterwards, the door swung open and revealed two very confused young men.

TWO HOURS LATER.

"Every night in my dreams, I see you, I hear you! That is how I know you go on! Doo doo dooo doo doo doo!" Hatori stood at the top of the stairs, his arms spread eagle. He burst into another fit of hysterical laughter.

"How long has he…?" Kureno glanced at Yuki, obviously concerned.

"Two hours." Kyo groaned from his spot under the livingroom table. "We have had the pleasure of listening to every showtune known to man, in English and Japanese."

"Oh my." Kureno winced. He'd only been there ten minutes and it was beginning to get to him.

"Please help us!" Yuki pleaded. "Shigure and the Snake disappeared into Shigure's bedroom more than an hour ago! We can't make him stop!"

"Well…" The rooster sighed. "There is a sound-proof room down at the main house. My only real concern…"

"Is if this is permanent." Yuki finished his sentence, matching the sigh. "Get the car. And a straight-jacket, if you have one. And ear-plugs. Don't forget the earplugs."

"That won't be necessary." Shigure called from the top of the stairs.

Those at the bottom looked up and blinked. Tori launched himself at the other man, squealing 'Oh, Shigure!' in a voice that sounded amazingly similar to Kate Winslet. Shigure caught him, staggering just a little.

"Me and Aya started this, and we're going to finish it."

Kureno raised an eyebrow.

"And just how do you plan to do that?"

Shigure's grin was positively demonic.

"The beautiful art of exhaustion, my poultry friend." He draped his arm over Hatori's shoulder and guilded him towards the bedroom door. "Come on, Tori-kun. Aya's waiting.

"I'm king of the world!" Hatori laughed, this time sounding more than a little like Leonardo DeCaprio.

The door clicked shut behind them. Kureno quietly packed Kyo and Yuki into his car and drove off to find- and warn- Tohru.

CHAPTER ONE- COMPLETE!

Mwahahahaha… I art demonic. Next chapter- SEX! Ahahahahahaha. Done for hot-chick1's challenge. Also somewhat inspired by her story, Amazed. Don't ask me why. I don't know. Actually, I think it was because of Yuki's 'I look so pretty' comment. That put the song in my head, which reminded me of Damien running down the hall in a penguin suit singing. Which became this. Somehow. Anyway, hot-chick1, you are completely to blame. Your fault. Aren't you pleased with yourself? BTW, there will be sex. Next chapter. I promise. Four pages of it, in fact.

With love,

Aya/Jiia.


	2. The Art of Exhaustion

Hurrah for Valium 2

Shigure led Hatori towards the bed. Ayame had already stripped the sheets off, preferring a bit of extra preparation to collapsing in a wet spot. The snake himself was nowhere to be seen.

Hatori pulled out of Shigure's reach and jumped on the bed. He lay spread eagle, looking up at the ceiling with a silly looking grin. Shigure chuckled and walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed. Tori sat up, his singular eye wide open.

"Hey, Gure-chan, are we going to have sex now?"

Shigure smiled. Ha-san looked oddly innocent, somehow. He was a bright-eyed youngster again.

"Yes, Tori, we're going to have sex now."

"Oh, good."

The Dragon lunged forward, capturing Shigure's lips with his own, kissing him with as much enthusiasm as he had done everything since that ill-fated cup of tea. Shigure was caught off-guard by his normally passive friend's aggression and allowed the other man to push him down into the mattress. Shigure soon recovered his wits enough to hold his own against Tori's assault. Sometime in the two seconds it took for Shigure to come too, Tori had slipped his tongue into Shi's mouth, completely dominating their exchange. Shigure desperately fought him off, trying to remove Tori's tongue from the general vicinity of his tonsils.

Even as Shigure was distracted by the assault on the back of his throat, Tori was winning the overall war. His hands moving faster than they had any right to, he untied Shigure's obi and slipped his hand inside.

Shigure broke the kiss, tilting his head back as Hatori's hand roughly explored the lower regions of his body. He blinked, very confused. The angry overturned Aya pouted down at him.

"Shii-chan, Tori-kun, you started without me!"

"S-… Sorry, Aya." Shigure gasped. Tori continued his new attack on Shigure's shoulder without looking up. "Wh-… Where w…were you?"

Aya settled in next to him, casually tugging off Tori's lab coat.

"In your closet. You need more clothes. There's nothing in there but pyjamas and Tori's suits."

Shigure suddenly found himself unable to form speech more complicated than a grunt. Tori had latched viscously onto one of his nipples and was now placating the injured flesh with soft kisses and a conspicuous amount of tongue. All the while, Tori's errant hand was running rampant across his stomach, working its way down with an unbearable inevitability.

Humming softly, Aya wrapped his arms around the dragon, nuzzling his neck from behind. Hatori sat up, pulling Aya into a deep over-the-shoulder kiss. Shigure made a rather loud noise of protest and sat up himself, only to be pushed back into the mattress. Tori jumped him again, kissing even more violently than before.

It was Aya's turn to whimper, tugging on Tori's shirt. Tori obediently ripped the offending garment off, only to find himself falling prey to both the mouths of both men. Ayame claimed his lips and Shigure satisfied himself with mirroring Tori's previous torture.

"What should we do first, Aya?" Shigure mumbled, letting his tongue drag lazily over Tori's collarbone.

"I don't know, Gure." Aya mumbled, working on Tori's outstretched neck. "As long as I'm not in the middle again."

"No, of course not, Aya." Shigure whispered into Hatori's chest. "This is for Ha-san. Ha-san gets to be in the middle this time."

"Goody." Aya chuckled, dipping his tongue into the man's ear.

"Enough." Hatori growled, grabbing hold of the both of them. "'Ha-san' wants sex, and he wants it NOW."

Shigure saluted, looking perfectly serious.

"Aye aye, sir. Sex it is. How would sir like his sex?"

Aya laughed. Tori fixed the dog with a look that seriously burned most mortal men.

"Sir would like his sex fast, hard, and immediate. How many times do I have to say it?" Hatori turned his growl into a purr, reaching forward and tangling his fingers in Shigure's black hair.

"Yes, sir…" Shigure purred back, obeying the gentle push of Tori's hand.

Ayame slid quickly behind the dragon, once again latching onto the man's neck. Shigure put his hands on either side of Tori's hips, happily nuzzling the growing lump in his pants. He tilted his head back, sighing happily. Shigure quickly undid his pants with his teeth, inwardly smiling at Hatori's uncharacteristically loud moan. In completely typical Hatori fashion, however, he seemed to be wearing the most difficult-to-remove underpants in the world. Shigure had to resort to using his hands, much to Tori's temporary relief.

As Tori was exposed in his full, naked glory, his two companions set to work 'tiring him out'. With Shigure's lips and tongue roaming everywhere except where Hatori most wanted them to be, and Ayame sucking happily on his spine, Tori found himself getting less and less tired with each passing moment.

"Fuck it, Shigure!" He snapped, grabbing hold of Shigure's hair and pulling his face into proper alignment. "Do it already, please!"

Shigure smiled. He'd never gotten Hatori to ask for it before, no matter how hard he tried. He'd have to give that boy Valium more often.

With an almost casual dart of the tongue, Shigure set Hatori's whole body on fire. Aya helpfully wrapped his arms around the man, holding him down and keeping him from bucking into Shigure's face.

Shigure was half tempted to continue the torture, until a not-so-gentle tug reminded him that Tori's hand was still buried in his hair. Admitting defeat- at least for the moment- Shigure obediently drew Ha-san's leaking cock into his mouth.

Aya watched over Hatori's shoulder as Shi bobbed up and down, using all his myriad little tricks to continue the torture while obeying Hatori's all-powerful hand. Just listening to the normally silent doctor moan like a harlot was enough to get him off, and he could see it was working wonders for Shigure as well. Still, while Shigure had the consolation of being the cause of those moans, Ayame did not, and he was very nearly as frustrated as Hatori.

"It's good, isn't it Ha-san?" He whispered in the other man's ear, brushing his lips against the sensitive skin. "You like it?"

Hatori managed to shot him an are-you-fucking-crazy-of-course-I-like-it look over his shoulder. Aya smiled.

"Do you want more?" To emphasize what 'more' entailed, he snapped his hips forward, digging his erection into Tori's back.

Now, it had been more than a couple of years since Tori had last bottomed. Even before he had met Kana, it had been a rare event indeed. It was Aya on bottom seventy percent of the time, and another twenty nine percent had been Shigure. It wasn't that Hatori didn't like it, he did. It was just that, well, Aya was too much of a girl to be on top. The prettier you are, the farther down the sexual totem pole you get, and there where few prettier than Ayame. Shigure was an in-the-middle kind of guy. When he was with Tori, he'd be on all fours without a problem. When he was with Ayame, he preferred the back seat.

Because of all this, it had been more than five years since Tori had last been fucked. It had been more than seven since it had been Ayame doing the fucking.

Hatori was more than ready for a change.

When Hatori nodded eagerly, Ayame reached around his chest, pressing his fingers against his lips. The dragon drew them into his mouth and sucked happily, unwittingly matching the rhythm of Shigure's mouth around his cock.

Seeing what Aya was doing, Shigure slowed down, dragging Hatori's torment out even longer. He wanted to give Aya ample time.

Tori hissed as Aya's slender finger slipped inside him.

"Fuuuuuuck…" He gasped, letting his eyes drift closed. "I'd forgotten what that felt like."

"Yup." Shigure murmured, nuzzling Tori's member. "We definitely have to drug you more often."

Aya chuckled quietly, slowly moving his finger in and out of his friend's body. When Tori seemed relaxed again, he slipped in his second, and then a third, scissoring them open and closed. Tori resisted the urge to buck his hips, still mindful of Shigure's continued attentions. By the time the third finger made it in, he was finding this almost impossible.

"Christ, Aya! Just do it already!" He groaned, tossing his head back.

"Where did that come from, Ha-san?" Aya breathed into his ear, ignoring his command completely. "You're a Buddhist, not a Christian."

"DO IT!" he roared, finally giving into the urge and soundly bopping the back of Shigure's throat.

Shigure's cries of protest where drowned out completely, however. With no warning whatsoever, Aya snapped his hips forward and buried himself into his friend all the way up to the hilt. Hatori's hands clawed what sheets Aya had left on the bed, his face contorted with an all-too-familiar twist of pain and ecstasy. Shigure stared, content to watch his two beautiful friends writhe. They stayed like that for what seemed like an eon. Shigure could see the effort on Ayame's face as he struggled desperately not to move to soon, to wait until Hatori was ready.

With his eyes still closed, Tori slowly rolled his hips, wincing just a little. Aya shuddered, wrapping his arms even tighter around the other man's chest. Shigure scuttled out of the way, making room for the other two as Aya lowered Tori down to his hands and knees.

Shigure sat next to them, watching intently and making a deliberate effort not to automatically reach between his own legs. Aya slowly pulled out and pushed back in, his fingers digging hard into Hatori's hips.

A thought occurred to the third man.

"Hey…"

They ignored him.

"You're doing it doggy style, right? That's what they call it."

"I wouldn't know." Hatori growled through gritted teeth. "You're the one with all the porn."

"Well… Since it's called doggy style, shouldn't I somehow be involved?"

Both of them paused, turning to look at him. Shigure blinked and shrugged.

"Fine." Hatori sighed. "Get over here."

Putting on his most innocent, unassuming face, Shigure held up his hands.

"Oh, no! I couldn't possibly interrupt-"

To his mild amusement, both of them cut him off at once.

"SHIGURE! HERE! NOW!"

Shigure, grinning impishly, scooted in front of Hatori.

"Good dog." Tori murmured, leaning forward.

Aya tried to move slowly. He honestly did. Still, it had been an awful long time since he had been on top, and Tori felt so good. His body held a military coup over his mind, and he slammed back into the dragon's rear, hard enough to force Tori to unwillingly deep-throat the dog kneeling in front of him. Hatori groaned, and Shigure squeaked, but Aya couldn't very well stop now.

Ayame was quite aware that his pace was brutal. Knowing this, he hadn't expected Hatori to meet him quite so forcefully. It wasn't almost violent, as some of their other encounters had been. This wasn't 'OMG, BONDAGE!' violence, which they had indeed experimented with. This was raw and brutal and oh so unbelievably good. And all the while, Hatori, who hadn't been fucked in five years and hadn't given a blowjob in almost three, was sucking on Shigure so hard there were tears in the writer's eyes.

It escalated surprisingly fast, especially considering it had started off being pretty high up on the scale. Ayame snaked his hand around Tori's waist and grabbed his member, pumping hard to their rhythm. Tori added biting to his rather long list of what he was doing to Shigure, who retaliated by cruelly jerking his hips up into Tori's mouth, getting revenge for the insult to his own pallet which had, in all truth, been caused by Aya.

All at once, things began to unravel. Tori gagged as Shigure's cock slammed into his face at exactly the same time as Ayame's slammed into his ass. The result was that both offending members were pushed farther into his body than originally intended. Tori found himself nose-deep in Shigure's curly black hair. Aya simultaneously brushed against the spot deep inside him, sending electric shivers straight through to his loins. He came with a strangled groan, a thing made even more difficult by the cock embedded right next to his vocal chords.

Said cock felt said groan as a sudden burst of maddening vibrations, running rampant through Shigure's entire body before returning to the place where they began. Shigure moaned loudly, spilling his load straight into Hatori's stomach.

Ayame heard Shigure moan. He felt Hatori's seed spill hot and sticky over his hand. He also felt Hatori's muscles clench down on him, so unbearably tight. Still, he somehow managed to ram into the body beneath him one last time before loosing it entirely.

A few breathless moments passed. Slowly, like a building falling over, Ayame slid out of Hatori and collapsed backwards. Hatori, without Ayame to hold him up, just buckled, burying his face in the rather damp sheets. Shigure waited for a few more milliseconds before tottering over sideways.

The three of them lay there for a long while, forming some sort of demented L of pure fatigue on top of Shigure's sheets.

"Hey, Ha-san?" Ayame asked sleepily.

"Yeah, Aya?" Hatori murmured, falling into a strange kind of half-sleep.

"Are you still happy?"

"Yeah, Aya. Very."

"Oh goody." Shigure chuckled. "How 'bout another round?"

Hatori groaned.


	3. The Return of the Little Blue Pills

It was almost like it never happened. That morning, the three of them sat and had breakfast like normal people. Kyo had been unusually twitchy, but that was understandable. They had probably heard him screaming in his sleep in the main Sohma Estate. Something about the 'Rum Tum Tugger' being decapitated by a codfish. Yuki had been sullen, shooting icy glares at both his brother and his guardian. Tohru, as always, was oblivious. The two young Juunshi apparently hadn't told her about what happened, only that Hatori and Ayame where staying over. She seemed fine with this.

Tori was back to normal, at least in the mental sense. Physically, he was exhausted and also very sore. As the day wore on, a hot bath looked increasingly welcoming. Still, there were things that needed to be addressed.

Standing before his two 'wards', he fixed them with a look familiar to chastised children all around the word.

"Shigure… Ayame…" His tone offered no escape to the two squirming men.

"Yes, Ha-san?" Shigure squeaked, daring a sheepish grin.

"What have the two of you learned from all this?" Hatori placed his hands on his hips, right over the bruises Ayame had left the day before.

Shigure shot a glance Aya's way, and Ayame raised an eyebrow in the international conspiratorial way. For a moment, they seemed to battle it out, deciding who would answer in a series of looks and prodding elbows. Finally, after a particularly vicious jab to his ribs, Ayame reluctantly answered.

"Half a bottle of Valium is too much. Three or four pills is probably enough." He grinned widely, knowing full well that wasn't the answer Hatori had been hoping for.

Said dragon sighed.

"Don't drug people! That should be easy enough to understand, even for you."

Catching the quick smile passed between them, Hatori frowned.

"You'll never do anything like this again, right guys? RIGHT?"

They looked at him, mischief glittering in both the golden eyes and the brown. Smiling impishly, Shigure doused any hopes Hatori might have been sheltering.

"Too late."

From the near-by kitchen there was a sudden crash. Yuki's voice drifted through the wall, sounding more than a little shaken.

"Uh… Kyo? What are you doing? What… Oh… My… GOD!"

Ayame laughed.

And thus ends Hurrah for Valium. I hope you enjoyed it. I certainly did. C&C is always greatly appreciated.


End file.
